As someone on the lower energy end of the spectrum, it’s easy for me to overcommit when making plans. The invitation sounds good in the moment (especially if I’m absorbing enthusiasm from someone else) and sometimes it isn’t until I’m alone and more tuned into myself that a leaden sense of dread unfurls itself in my abdomen.
The dread often has nothing to do with how much I like the person I made plans with, or whether it’s an activity I’ll enjoy. It’s the realization that I’ve scheduled things too closely; that I disregarded my non-negotiable need for solo down time.
So now, before accepting plans that will bunch up my schedule, I let the person know I’ll get back to them and then do two things that give me the discernment I need:
Because my interoception (awareness of internal physical sensations) doesn’t come naturally, I intentionally think of the invitation I’ve received while noticing what sensations arise in my body. Do my muscles tighten? Do I feel a knot in my abdomen? Does my body feel overtaxed and like it’s shrinking from the invitation? Or does it feel energized, eager, or calm?
I recently received an invitation to join a group of friends for some crafty creation time online. It’s a group I want to get to know better, and I love making things. But, when I put the plans in my body I felt a squeezing sensation that told me I need to leave that time open to recover from a stressful commitment earlier that day. I also felt a dragging sensation, knowing that I don’t enjoy extended periods of time on zoom. This friend group was kind enough to accommodate me by scheduling a briefer virtual gathering the next day to share our recent creations with each other.
The second step is visualizing myself doing the activity I’ve been invited to, aware of how much recovery time I’ll have between this and other events. As I’m getting ready, will I be wishing I could stay at home? While there, will I be savoring the experience or feeling depleted?
I also received a birthday invite this week to celebrate a friend in person while learning Sashiko, a beautiful Japanese stitching tradition. I looked at my calendar and saw that the day prior to the event is free of plans, and the day after will be a light one. When I visualized myself at the event I felt a surge of joy and eagerness– like my body was leaning forward, impatient for the day to come!
If you find it hard to know how you’ll really feel when accepting invitations and making plans, why not try putting the plans in your body, and your body in the plans? I can’t do this on the spot while someone else is waiting for an answer, so if you’re like me, give yourself the chance to run through these two practices when you truly have time and space to be with yourself.