I want to tease out a fine distinction on something that has often put me in knots: Just because something is your responsibility doesn’t mean you have control over it.

I felt this so deeply when my beloved feline soulmate died nearly two years ago. I had control over so much in his life: His environment, his diet, kitty litter he liked, plenty of affection, etc. But I couldn’t control the disease in his body, and my grief over his death was compounded by a sense that, like most other things in his life, I should have been able to control it.

But the fact that he was my responsibility (and joy) did not give me control over his death, and my task since this loss has been releasing guilt over what I could not have prevented.

If you are holding onto anxiety or guilt over a responsibility that exceeds the bounds of your influence, I hope you begin to unhook yourself from the illusion of control. It can bring a deeper sense of grief, but I find that grief can be a clearer, easier weight to carry.